Bandly
7.5band
Task 2 Essay · problem solution

Rates of obesity and diet-related illness are rising rapidly in many developed countries. What do you think are the reasons for this trend, and what could be done to address it?

Over the past few decades, developed nations have witnessed an alarming rise in obesity and related conditions diabetes and heart disease. This essay will examine the principal factors behind this trend and propose some realistic ways of tackling it. Several factors lie at the heart of the problem. Perhaps the most significant is the shift towards processed and fast food, which is cheap, convenient and heavily marketed. Busy working families often lack the time to prepare fresh meals, so they rely on ready-made products that are high in sugar, salt and fat. Alongside this dietary change, modern lifestyles have become increasingly sedentary. Many people now work at desks, commute by car and spend their leisure hours in front of screens, which means they burn far fewer calories than previous generations did. Fortunately, this situation is not beyond our control. Governments could play a leading role by taxing sugary drinks and unhealthy snacks, while subsidising fruit and vegetables so that nutritious food becomes more affordable. Clear labelling on packaging would also help consumers make informed choices. On an individual level, schools ought to teach children about nutrition and provide balanced meals, since habits formed in childhood tend to last a lifetime. , cities can be designed to encourage physical activity by building cycle lanes, parks and sports facilities that are accessible to everyone. , the growing prevalence of obesity stems largely from poor diets and inactive lifestyles. there is no simple cure, a combination of sensible government policies and greater personal awareness could gradually reverse the trend and improve public health for years to come.
Highlights:AaLinking wordsAaRepetitionAaGrammar

Examiner feedback

What to improve
  • Grammatical RangeVary sentence structures further and proofread for minor grammar and article errors.
  • Lexical ResourceReduce repetition by paraphrasing key terms with precise synonyms.
What you did well
  • Task AchievementThe response addresses all parts of the task and maintains a clear position throughout.
  • Coherence & CohesionIdeas are logically ordered with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.