6band
These days many people believe that schools must teach children about money. I completely agree with this idea because money is very important in our life and children should learn it early.
Firstly, a lot of young people do not know how to use money in a good way. When they grow up, they get a job and receive salary, but they spend all of it very quickly. If schools teach money management, students will learn how to save and how to make a budget. For example, my cousin never learned about money at school and now he has many debts because he buys expensive things that he does not need. This is a big problem for him.
Secondly, some subjects like history or geography are useful, but they do not help students in the real life directly. Money is different because everyone use money every day. So it is more practical to teach this topic. Students can learn about bank, saving, and also how to avoid too much borrowing. These skills are very important for the future.
However, some people say that parents should teach money to their children at home, not the school. This is partly true. But not all parents know about money themselves, so they can not teach it well. Because of this reason, the school is a better place to learn it.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that schools should teach children how to manage money. It is a practical and useful subject, and it can help students to have a better and more safe life in the future when they become adults.
Highlights:AaLinking wordsAaRepetitionAaGrammar
Examiner feedback
What to improve
- Grammatical RangeVary sentence structures further and proofread for minor grammar and article errors.
- Lexical ResourceReduce repetition by paraphrasing key terms with precise synonyms.
- Task AchievementDevelop each main idea with a more specific example to strengthen support.
What you did well
- Task AchievementThe response addresses all parts of the task and maintains a clear position throughout.